Captain's Log, Stardate, Parenting Madness

Published on 27 January 2025 at 16:44

The USS Co-Parenting is currently engaged in an odoriferous conflict with the USS Chaos.

Mission Objective: Survive a sleepover negotiation between my kid and his best friend.

Current Status: Critical nostril failure.

It began with a simple request: "Can my best friend stay over?" What followed was a series of diplomatic breakdowns worthy of a peace treaty negotiation gone wrong. “What about homework? What about bedtime? What about my sanity?”

By the time the treaty was signed, the USS Co-Parenting had agreed to host not one, but two 10-year-olds, unleashing the intergalactic stink equivalent of a poorly ventilated space station.

As of this log, the stench of sweat, chips, and an unholy fusion of body spray and farts has overtaken every breathable part of the ship. Airlocks are not enough.

The kid seems unaffected, laughing with his best friend as if their combined odor hasn’t triggered the ship’s emergency systems. Meanwhile, I’m wondering how two tiny humans can smell worse than Klingons after a 3-day Bat'leth tournament.

Captain out. Stocking up on Febreze and negotiating my escape route.

P.S. How do kids go from barely tolerable to somewhere between skunk and swamp monster in under 30 seconds? A mystery for another mission.

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